Monday, 28 March 2011

You know you live in Christchurch when...

Since the 7.1 quake in Sept and the 6.3 quake in Feb here's a whole raft of 'You know you live in Christchurch when...' jokes doing the rounds out there. Here's a selection:


You know you live in Christchurch when...

  • Geonet / ChristchurchQuakeMap is your homepage
  • The rest of the country offers you a place to stay
  • Munted and buggered are official technical terms
  • You go 'pfffff' when Wellington has a 4.5 earthquake that's 40km deep
  • You see a nice park in another city and think it would make a good evacuation point
  • You sleep in one suburb, shower in another and collect water from yet another
  • When you drive on the right side of the road and no one thinks it's wrong
  • You are happy two Policemen came for a visit
  • When your bike becomes your best friend
  • You think it's fine for a soldier to be stationed at the end of your street
  • You see armoured vehicles driving down the road
  • It's normal to greet people with "do you need a shower?"
  • A bucket of sh*t is no longer that old car you drive
  • Every house is a crack house
  • Instead of rushing to the clothes line to get clothes in when it rains, you put dirty washing on the line in the hope that it will rain enough to clean them
  • Going to Wellington to escape earthquakes makes sense
  • Your doctor recommends having a few stiff drinks before bed to help you sleep
  • You know how to start and refuel a generator
  • You have tied the pantry, liquor cabinet and all the cupboard doors closed and it's not to keep kids out
  • You prefer to sit under the table instead of at it
  • You think electronics that have "shock proof" should say to which earthquake magnitude
  • You know and actually understand the terms and conditions of your House and Contents insurance policies
  • You can see irony in claims about houses made of "permanent materials"
  • Your en-suite has a vege garden, dog kennel and grass
  • Your teenagers are only too happy to sleep in the same room as their parents
  • You stop using the term "built like a brick sh*t house"
  • Dressing up to "head into town" means putting on a hi-viz vest, hard hat and boots
  • Discussing toilet habits with total strangers is an everyday norm
  • Wee boys don't get excited when they see (another) digger or a dozer - but all the adults in the street cheer wildly
  • Voluntarily staying in Timaru for five days seems like a good idea
  • You know what that extra gear lever on your 4X4 is for
  • Metservice includes a graph for dust
  • You have dust mask tan lines
  • You can use the term "liquefaction" in everyday casual conversation, even your 3-year old can
  • When a massive group of students appears in your street, you feel overwhelmed with gratitude  instead calling the Police. What's more, the students leave the street in better condition than when they arrived
  • The answer to where anything is .... it's on the floor
  • You smile at strangers and greet people like you're one big family

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